15 Jul Please Leave a Message

Please Leave a Message

Lars Hunter, Bereavement Care Coordinator

While on vacation recently I ventured out to western Pennsylvania to visit family. While I was there I had a chance to visit the Flight 93 National Park Memorial. The Memorial is a sacred place of honor for the 40 crew and passengers who died on United Flight 93 on September 11, 2001. It may seem like an odd time of year to be remembering the events of 9/11, but many times the wisdom of grief shows up at unexpected times. 

The memorial site commemorates and memorializes the events in PA on that tragic day. The aircraft departed Newark, NJ at 8:42 am bound for San Francisco, CA for a routine flight. It was hijacked by terrorists at 9:28 am, and after the passengers’ valiant struggle against the terrorists, the plane crashed at 10:03 am near Shanksville, PA in an open field. The terrorists had planned on crashing the plane into the Capitol in Washington, D.C. but the courageous actions of those onboard saved the Capitol at the expense of their own lives. For a detailed timeline of Flight 93, and the other hijacked planes that morning, visit: https://www.nps.gov/flni/learn/historyculture/september-11-2001-timeline.htm.

The peaceful memorial that has been created also exudes the deep grief that came from that tragedy, and it also brings back that tragic time in our country. The Visitor Center features a permanent exhibition on the Flight 93 story within the context of the larger terrorist attack. 

There are a few places where you can pick up the receiver of a telephone and listen to some of the messages that passengers and crew left for their loved ones while under attack. I picked up one receiver and listened to three people’s messages left on answering machines.  I could barely make it through the third message before hanging up and choking back tears. Below are the transcripts of the three messages. 

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Passenger Linda Gronlund phoned her sister and left a message on her home answering machine. The call was connected for 71 seconds. An FBI transcript of the call follows:

“It’s Lynn. Um. I only have a minute. I’m on United 93 and it’s been hijacked, uh, by terrorists who say they have a bomb.  Apparently, they, uh, flown a couple of planes into the World Trade Center already and it looks like they’re going to take this one down as well. Mostly, I just wanted to say I love you . . . and . . . I’m going to miss you . . . and . . . and please give my love to Mom and Dad, and (sigh) mostly, I just love you and I just wanted to tell you that. I don’t know if I’m going to get the chance to tell you that again or not. (sigh) Um. . . (unintelligible)  All my stuff is in the safe. The uh, the safe is in my closet in my bedroom. The combination is: you push C for clear and then 0-9-1-3 and then, uh, and then it should . . . and maybe pound and then it should unlock. (sigh) I love you and I hope that I can talk to you soon. Bye. (FBI, Trial Evidence)

*****

Flight Attendant CeeCee Lyles called her husband and left a message on their home answering machine. The call was connected for 56 seconds. A transcript of the call follows: 

“Hi, Baby.  I’m . . . Baby, you have to listen to me carefully. I’m on a plane that’s been hijacked. I’m on the plane. I’m calling from the plane. I want to tell you I love you. Please tell my children that I love them very much and I’m so sorry, babe. Umm. I don’t know what to say. There’s three guys. They’ve hijacked the plane. I’m trying to be calm. We’re turned around and I’ve heard that there’s planes that’s been, been flown into the World Trade Center. I hope to be able to see your face again, baby. I love you. Good-bye.” (Trial Evidence)

*****

Flight Attendant CeeCee Lyles used her cell phone to call her husband, Lorne. According to notes from the FBI agents who interviewed Lorne on September 12, 2001, CeeCee said,

“‘Babe, my plane is being hijacked. My plane is being hijacked. Babe, they are forcing their way into the cockpit. They forced their way into the cockpit. Babe, I called to tell you I love you, tell the kids that I love them. Oh Lord, it feels like the plane is going down.’  Thereafter, [Lorne] heard screaming in the background and the phone went dead.” (FBI, Trial Evidence)

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The common thread, in bold, throughout the messages is the intense need to tell people that they love them. We easily get distracted by daily life and many times take others for granted, or we just forget to let them know we love them with all our being. 

This common thread stood out for me so glaringly that it was all I could remember about the messages I heard, until I looked at them on the website. I walked away from that phone receiver with the echoes of the soon-to-be deceased saying, “I love you.” 

Many times, I’ve had clients come in who have told me that they have the last message on their voicemail from the deceased loved one. It seems to be either a source of comfort or pain, and most likely a little of both, but no one has told me they have deleted the message. It may be hard to listen to or impossible to listen to at the time, but knowing the voice is there keeps the memory alive. 

The voices we hear every day can become part of our routine and, when someone dies, it’s common to worry that we’ll forget our loved one’s voices. 

We are surrounded by technology and many times it can seem overwhelming, but what a gift the technology of answering machines and voicemail can be. The people on the plane got to express their love and leave that imprint permanently on a machine. For the survivors I hope it has brought some peace and comfort over the years. 

How often in one day do we all leave a voicemail? I’m sure many, and although it’s probably not appropriate to end a voice message to your doctor by saying, “I love you,” how often do we do so when we call a loved one? We tend to be quick with our messages and want to get them over with; talking to a machine can be awkward.

The advancement of technology, even since 2001, has brought us to the age of texting, an even more distant way of communicating. The sound of our voices is getting lost in our use of the speedy text. Imagine if the people on Flight 93 had texted their messages to their loved ones; I think the impact would have been very different. I’m sure they would have been included in the memorial site and they would have held some meaning, but to hear a voice brings someone alive, even those who are deceased. 

I don’t think texting will go out of style, but the experience in PA has made me be more apt to pick up the phone and call people, and if I have to leave a message, to make sure I do so. Each time our voice is etched into a digital data, we are leaving a memory of ourselves, and possibly the last transmission of our voice. Saying, “I love you” to a machine may be the most powerful time we say it. 

I can’t take your call right now, but please, leave a message! Lars