28 Feb Ask Alice March 2022

ASK ALICE

This Month’s Topic: Death Doulas

Dear Alice,

My neighbor is dying and they’ve hired a Death Doula. 

They’ve got so much going on that I didn’t want to add to their burden so I’m asking you…What is a Death Doula?  What do they do?

I’ve heard of a birth doula, but I’d never even heard of a death doula.

               Thanks!

                      Confused and Curious

Dear Confused and Curious,

Similar to a birth doula, a death doula is a person who guides and supports the dying and their loved ones through the labor of death. They coach the dying person and their family  through the entire experience, providing non-medical support.  Sometimes they are called end-of-life doulas or death midwives. They help plan for the last days of life. They are comfortable with the process of dying and death and provide emotional, spiritual and physical support. They even continue helping families after the death. 

The doula approach focuses on meaning, legacy work, planning, attention to the sacred nature of dying, alternative interventions for symptom management, intense involvement in the last days of life, reprocessing the experience with loved ones after death, and active involvement in early grief.

The doula approach encourages people to face their fears and engage in an open honest exploration of dying.  It also encourages people to explore the meaning of their lives and what they may want to leave behind such as stories and memories.  They provide emotional support by being present and willing to listen deeply and step right into conversations about death and dying.  This may help people to have an awareness of the sacredness of the dying process and figure out how they want the space around them to look and feel in their last days of life.

A death doula may provide practical help like assisting with end-of-life paperwork or helping with logistical arrangements such as arranging for a dog walker or helping with scheduling caregivers and appointments. A death doula may help with legacy projects such as letter writing, transcribing stories into a journal, filming video messages, making scrapbooks or art projects.  

A death doula is someone who tends to the dying and their loved ones with presence and open-hearted awareness.  They promote the idea of exploring and making peace with dying and death.

All of this helps the dying and their loved ones to have more control over and awareness about how the dying process will unfold, with the intention of providing comfort and peace.

Best wishes,   Alice    

Please contact Ruth Nangeroni, Taking Steps Brattleboro Coordinator, 802-257-0775, ext. 101, or ruth.nangeroni@brattleborohospice.org, for information about Advance Care Planning.

Till next month, folks. Please send your questions to Alice via info@brattleborohospice.org.