29 Nov News from Experienced Goods December 2021

From Jennie Reichman

I am a big fan of National Public Radio, and Vermont Public Radio in particular. I listen mostly in my car on the commute to and from work, or when I am running errands. I often have “driveway moments” when I am listening to a story so compelling that when I arrive at my destination, instead of turning off the radio and getting out of my car, I sit there, enthralled, until the story is over. Often a host will be interviewing the author of a new book; I’ve discovered many wonderful writers this way. Recently I heard an interview with Kate Murphy, the author of “You’re Not Listening,” a book about (spoiler alert) becoming a better listener. She is a journalist, which not only requires listening well, but also asking the right questions, the ones that get people talking and elaborating. We all want to be heard and to feel relevant; often a skillfully asked question can be like a green light to give voice to what we think and feel, and even more essential, to express who we are. At one point in the interview, Ms. Murphy asked the radio host a question about her career in media. The host answered at length, with passion, enthusiasm, in an animated voice. Ms. Murphy then commented on and acknowledged that passion and dedication to the ideals of journalism she heard in the host’s voice and saw on her face. The host was so taken aback by Ms. Murphy’s keen observation and acknowledgement that she was at a loss for words for a moment. When she finally spoke, the emotion of being seen and validated was evident in her voice. It actually made ME cry a little, hearing such fundamental longing.

At Experienced Goods, we are a busy, focused group of people, and with good reason. Running and maintaining a popular thrift store is a constantly evolving work in progress, with ten things that need doing for every one that’s completed. Sometimes I will be striding through the store with an agenda to accomplish and a customer will stop me and ask a question, or someone I know will smile and say “Hello, how are you?” and I have to remind myself to slow down, look them in the eye and respond by listening, by giving them my attention, making them the center of my universe for that minute or two. Nothing is so urgent that I can’t do this. In fact, it is probably healthy for me to interrupt my rushing and hear what another human being needs or thinks. Listening creates connection, even briefly, and connection is so important during this strange and isolating time. When I take the time to have a conversation with someone during my workday, whether it is with a customer or a friend who is shopping or a co-worker as we work near each other, I feel enriched. Other people’s lives are really interesting, often funny, sometimes poignant.  There’s also an element of trust that comes into play when someone tells a story about their life. The telling says, “Here, I trust you to hold this part of me and appreciate it, to not harm it.”  It’s tempting when someone is telling a story to think about the story I want to tell in response, but if I can ask a question instead, like, “And then what happened?” I am often treated to ideas, perspectives, and experiences I would never have thought of, and find fascinating.

Listening can also be highly entertaining. I eavesdrop all the time at the shop (sometimes it can’t be helped) and hear snippets of conversation or interactions that could be out of the pages of a novel or a comedy sketch. Listening makes for a healthy, thriving work environment. Staff meetings at Experienced Goods have always involved brainstorming, airing grievances, giving and receiving feedback, and supporting each other.  Listening means it’s always safe to speak one’s mind and ask for what one needs.

We are all like books, rich with story and perspective. When I think back on the interview with the radio host and Kate Murphy, I realize that the surprise the host felt when Kate really heard and saw her was like opening a wonderful, unexpected present. During this season of giving, listening well may thrill someone much more than anything you can buy on Amazon, or even the perfect gift you find at Experienced Goods. And here’s the good news: You can buy that awesome gift at Experienced Goods and have money left over to take someone you love to lunch and really listen to their stories.