25 Jul Rain, Rain, Go Away

Rain, Rain, Go Away

By Lars Hunter, Bereavement Care Coordinator

As I sit here writing this piece in my office at 191 Canal St., I’m looking out the window at the drenching rain that continues to pour down and seemingly has no end. Last night and this morning the flood watches and reports of damage streamed in unceasingly.

Due to the weather, and warnings, I gave myself plenty of time this morning to make my way to the office, anticipating washouts, downpours, and stopped traffic on Rt. 9. To my surprise I came across none of those challenges, and in fact, had an easy, quiet trip, something that I hadn’t experienced in some time due to the construction I’ve run into for the past several months. Another oddity was the lack of traffic and surreal feeling that I was not only alone on the road, but maybe in the world? Where was everyone? I wasn’t too concerned, I was just noticing this somewhat strange, unexpected journey, and enjoyed the peace and quiet that can be hard to find these days.

As I think about my trip, I can relate it to grief and how we can expect the road to be difficult, and it is, but can then find ourselves cruising along. When we first lose a loved one to death, we find our lives turned upside down, even if we were anticipating the loss. We come across many washouts, floods of tears, and starts and stops of a myriad of emotions; we are on the road of our personal grief journeys.

In every grief process there comes a day, usually unexpected, where we realize the pain is a little more bearable, the trip a little easier, and the bumps and stops we’ve become accustomed to aren’t there. This is a sign of healing and integrating the loss into our lives as we figure out who we are, and what our lives are going to look like going forward without our loved one physically here.

Many times, this experience of easiness can be startling and concerning as we wonder if we’re starting to forget our loved ones, or we can feel guilty for having a “good” day. I assure you – you will never forget the people in your lives that have died, it’s impossible, and would you want to? We carry the love we have for them in our hearts, souls and minds for the rest of our lives, the grief work we do helps us to incorporate their love and loss into our own lives as we find our “new” selves.

Like my drive this morning, these peaceful times can be concerning, but we can also revel in the peace we experience even as we wonder what’s going on. As your grief journeys and work continue, days and moments like these will become more frequent and noticeable, and it’s ok to look around, take a deep breath, and soak them in like the ground soaks in the rain. The peace, and the rain, are needed for continued life, for you and our world. Although the storms of grief and weather can certainly be very challenging, they are vital
for new life and growth.

It may seem as if the dark days will never end, much like it seems the rain will never end as I write this. But they both will, and although there may be some damage and a mess to clean up, sunny and easier days will always come around again.

At BAH we continue to support all who are grieving the death loss of a loved one. Our support groups, and one-on-one sessions with trained volunteers, are vital in holding a safe space for everyone in Windham County, and the bordering New Hampshire towns, move through their grief. Clearer days are coming and I hope you all find peace and a new sense of purpose and being in this world.

*Written on July 10, 2023, as Vermont was under a Flash Flood Warning.